Even so, a new tampon is to a used one what a blank page is to a poem.
Which reminds me. One day, while cruising through the famous John Day fossil beds of Eastern Oregon, I had a vision, which, of course, is what deserts are for. I saw how to make my first million. By the way, this applies strictly to pads. I'm going to make my first million selling elastic bands with special hooks on the ends for attaching used ones. You know. You'll wear the whole thing as a headband, when you menstruate. It will be the badge of sisterhood, a bonding thing. I mean why not, if you're going to wear your love like heaven anyway. I got this great idea after looking at a picture in Utne magazine. It was of a naked red-headed woman standing astride a mountain top in a bold, heroic pose -- hair flowing, chest out, hips moving forward. Sort of like Aeneas or one of those guys, except that instead of holding the body of a vanquished foe over her head (in preparation for dashing it to the ground), the Woman holds a maxi, with a rather largish, roundish red spot in the middle of it. She holds it up high over her head with both hands, just like a warrior. The weirdest part is that her nipples, lips, hair, and the red spot are the exact same shade of red. I know this doesn't sound that weird, but it really looks pretty weird in the picture. Anyway, somebody could make a killing off this goddess stuff. Artifacts from underground always make it into the well-monied mainstream about twenty years after their first big movement (unlike your bowel). Crystals, tie-dyes, and ripped stockings, for instance. So you figure if this menstrual-spirituality stuff has made Utne magazine then it's having its first big movement, and soon the yuppies will be ripe for the "menstrual-look." Enter yours truly, with the pad-thing headbands. Instant Hit. Maybe tampons could be earrings -- the dangly look. What do you think? Maybe there could be a pad which actually becomes a headband, just by unfolding, without any elastic stuff or fasteners.
You could probably guess I got my period today. What a rush. I had just woken up and lay in bed, looking at the white ceiling, when it happened. It was like my cycle knew my state of being; it knew to wait until I was awake so I could deal with it. ThatUs so great. It's like I've bonded with my period. We're pals. We pass out together.
I thought of a funny joke recently. You know that your appendix is this little thing dangling off the end of your colon, right? And you know how when you have an operation sometimes they let you take home the part they removed, so you can gross out your friends with it. I think this was common with tonsils, but I bet you could get an appendix too. So I think it would be funny if you had an appendectomy and got the appendix, and went around waving the vial through the air saying "I got my semi-colon today."
Well I guess that just about wraps it up. This is not a chain letter. It is a bean from the abstract world (aren't we all). It is things awakening through random communication (aren't we all). Send it to two friends or enemies or nobody in particulars. Actually, you do hold a chain letter in your hands, but if you pass it along horrible bad luck will befall you, so it takes committment. George Santayana passed it along, and the next day his wife ran off with a lesbian! Kierkegard passed it along, and look what happened to him. So watch it. Actually this letter is for your eyes only. Please burn it right away. Ha! Fooled you again. We really do request that you send it to two more people. But it isn't anything, by which I mean, not a particular thing, not excluding, therefore (obviously), the general forms.